PELE'S FIRST SIGHTING

Biggup Dj Gash in the place too.

JOWEN FINGERED NASS...

The comic, soon come.






On a side note, if you weren't at NASS to witness Jowen's noise, then you cannot comprehend how loud and consistent it was. Also if you were at NASS in purple camp, then you did hear him.

Jowen's festival trick is consuming as much as he can of anything for free, then donning a Tigger suit when the sun sets. The next part of the plan is to loudly shout "DEBBIE FINGERED ALICE". The poor souls getting involved in Jowen's fingering chant change frequently, and the chants themselves come thick and fast. They also are shouted to a particular rhythm, impossible to convey in text, so i wont. At a rough guess, accounting for averaging out the times he calms down for a minute or two, I'd say 6 or 7 chants happen about every minute. Once Jowen gets it going many people carry it on for him, at this point Jowen spread himself around the campsite shouting chants and abuse. If you listen carefully you can hear him in the distance and then within a few seconds he will be somewhere completely different. MY BOY GETS AROUND FIELDS YOU GET ME.

Now follows a collective effort of remembering all the things Jowen and others shouted this weekend ;

DEBBIE FINGERED OWEN

OIGHT GIRL, DRUM AND BASS TENT

BRISTOLS FULL OF SMACKHEADS

NASS IS FUCKIN TERRIBLE

OI BLONDIE

JOHNNY PEGG IS ON KETAMINE

'SCUSE ME MATE, WHATS YOUR NAME AND WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?



Also one last one just to put in there, Johnny Pegg decided he was going to shout "JOHNNY PEGG FINGERED DIKE!" At Dirty Dike, but we couldn't find him at that point.

NASS was sick. Bring your whole family and 10,000 canisters of NOS next year. You wont regret it.

WINE SHACK PETERSFIELD ARE TOP SHOTTAZ #1

Right its happened to all of us. We've all gone to the off licence a bit too late on a chance tip, and been dissapointed by the brews to choose from once there. The following short tale will put all of those occasions to shame.

The time was around 7pm, maybe half past. My main man Rory had failed to get himself any brews, so he takes a trip down to Wine Shack, casual as you like. People dont usually kick off when you go to buy beer. So he innocently walks into town, unbeknownst to him the pure shock lying in wait for him.

He walks into said shotta of booze, and does a double take. The walls are bare. And I mean BARE. Not a bottle on them, chilled and room temperature alike. Still reeling and almost speechless, he manages to spill from his rhyme hole "...you got any beer?"

The pure hilarity of questioning the presence of beer, in an office licence, was not lost on me.

The reply to his question was an indifferent one, blaming a missed delivery. "But i can sell you 2 bottles of Becks and a bottle of Bud for £3.17" she suggested, clearly sensing Rory's complete disbelief the entire scenario. Due to the prompt pricing of these 3 beers, im expecting Wine Shack provide training for these kind of situations. 'Accurate pricing of odd bottles of beer in a crisis 101', or something.

Anyway needless to say Rory paid his £3.17, picked up his man-size helping of beers and returned home. See below a picture of Rory with his 3 beers. Tounge stuck out like a dog, or just a guy with 3 beers.